‘Papa !’ I screamed taking my first steps
And you ran clapping towards me,
I babbled on holding you finger,
Dreaming to be free.
come play with me please!
You lifted me up
and introduced me to the wind, the breeze.
Let’s go out!
You smiled holding the keys,
without a moment’s hesitation or doubt.
Why are your hair turning grey ?
‘It’s the age my child
Signs of my days.’
Why don’t you listen !
‘One minute beta’ you said,
as your hard work glistened.
Stop restricting me now !
discouraging me somehow!
I don’t want to talk to you,
Do this ! do that !
Never permitting me to try something new !
Why aren’t you talking now !
Fine! I too am your daughter,
so even I won’t bow !
I thought glum and sad.
I am sorry for every word I said
as I was mad.
I am sorry for being rude.
I am sorry for the words that hurt,
for the wretchedness of my mood.
but please listen to me.
I am not a kid or naive anymore,
as I was at three.
with your blessings this gudiya of yours grew.
Standing on her feet,
just like you wanted her to.
I miss the finger you held out for me,
The warmth of your hug,
whenever I sat on you knee.
Your gudiya never says it just like you never do,
but she truly means it as her heart sings
in resonance with yours ‘i Love you’.
‘Father’ a word so strong that you feel secure whenever it is spoken.
We fight the most with our fathers as they always with the purpose of protecting us, try their best to protect and we with our goals of freedom misunderstand it as restrictions. And so the rift develops, you fight, you shout, you accuse.
But despite the fights, our father’s never ever leave us, their strengths, their silent unsaid love stays with us. Their guidance and their understanding always stays even when they are gone.
My father calls me gudiya (hindi for doll), he always has numerous names for different occasions but gudiya was his favourite. ‘Gudiya I said no’, ‘Gudiya stop arguing’, I always thought during such arguments that why is he so over protective ! I am not a kid anymore but during such fights I guess I always forgot, that for him, I will always be that little toddler running towards him with big innoncet eyes, depending on him for everything.
While I was writing this poem the words just flowed out. Because behind those words and those stupid fights one truth prevails, that both of us love each other a lot and there is nothing which can change this fact not even ‘the no talking phase’ or those terrible fights. Because this gudiya loves her papa, just like her papa loves her ❤️
So this one is for you Papa !